The work Christmas party, on your own terms

Do I have to go?

Usually, no one will check. But many people notice who turns up and few notice how long you stayed, so a short appearance counts for more than you might think. If you want to go, go on your terms: a fixed arrival time, a rough finish time, and a plan for what happens in between. If you would rather not, a warm, early "no thank you" is fine too. The guide on saying no, or leaving early has the words.

Decide your plan before you walk in

Three small decisions take the pressure off the evening.

• When you will arrive. Aim for the first half hour, while the room is still filling up and people are standing in loose groups.
• Who you would like to speak to. Pick two people: someone you already like and someone you would like to know better. That is a complete evening.
• When you will leave. Many people stay somewhere between one and two hours. Choose a time, tell yourself it is allowed, and keep to it.

How do I arrive without feeling lost?

Get a drink first, then find the host or the person who organised it and say thank you. It gives you a purpose in the first minute, and it puts you beside someone who is likely to know where everyone is. A non-alcoholic drink in your hand is just as good as any other, and nobody will ask. More in arriving alone.

What do I say at a work Christmas party?

The end of the year is a gift for conversation. Everyone is looking back, looking ahead, or both, and nobody expects a clever opening. Stay with easy, warm topics: the break, the year, holiday plans, food. If there is a Kris Kringle, that is an instant opener.

Keep work gossip, salaries and anything you would not want repeated for another night. A good rule: only say what you would be happy to hear quoted on Monday.

What if I'm seated at a table with people I don't know?

Seated dinners are easier than standing rooms, because the conversation has edges. Talk to the person on your left or your right, and ask one question at a time. People usually like to talk about their year, their family traditions and where they are going next. If the table splits into two conversations, join the one that suits you and listen for a while before you speak. The guide on keeping a conversation going covers the questions that work.

How do I look after my energy?

Parties run long and the noise adds up. Build in small pauses so you do not need a big one.

• Step outside for five minutes, or take a slow walk to the bathroom.
• Offer to help with something, like fetching plates or handing out drinks. It gives you a role and a reason to move.
• Drink water between other drinks, and eat something early.
• Stand near the edge of the room rather than the middle, so you can talk to one person at a time.

There is more in when your energy runs low.

How do I leave without making a fuss?

You do not need to announce your departure to the whole room. Find the person who organised it and your own manager if they are there, say thank you, and go. Leaving while people are still having a good time is the right moment, and it is remembered kindly.

See leaving a conversation warmly for more ways to close.

What should I do afterwards?

Send one short message to the person you enjoyed talking to, on the next working day or two. Mention something specific from the conversation. That is all it needs to be.

The guide on following up afterwards has more.